My favorite time of day has become the blue hour. That time before dawn when in the distance you can see blue. A friend recently posted on Facebook about it — I had no idea that it had a name, but I love it! I LOVE SILENCE. I love silence a lot more than I should probably admit. With three kids in their tween & teens, I really appreciate that I wake up early without help and ENJOY being productive before anyone else is even up. I sometimes even get outside and enjoy the colors of that blue hour as, in my opinion, they are magnificent! There’s nothing like the silence coupled with the beauty of the world.
Living in south Florida we rarely get to open our windows or air out the house. This morning is different. The gusts wind rushing underneath the shutters that we closed in preparation for the storm that thankfully blew past us, is the only sound I hear in addition to the click, click, click of my keyboard. Each time the wind makes a noise that is similar to someone up and walking around the house I am distracted to look at the time and think, NO! THIS IS MY TIME! I used to feel selfish for these thoughts. I don’t anymore.
I think that my biggest ‘selfish’ act is alone time; I never intended to create the mornings for me — I have always been a morning person, even as a baby/child. I drove neighbors crazy waking them up to play at 6 a.m. I would leave my house and knock on my friend’s door or call her. Looking back, I have to laugh! I can’t even imagine how I would react if one of my kids’ friends were to knock on the door these days at that time! Now a days, someone knocks on the door and we all ‘fear’ who is out there. “Don’t open the door”, “holler out but don’t open it. Let whoever is there know that the house isn’t empty so that they don’t come around the back and break in!” That’s another topic for another day.
What hasn’t changed for me is that I STILL love the mornings, my most productive time, the quiet, the beauty — it NEVER gets old, it is never lonely to me. The alone time is such a wonderful feeling that when the sun is up and people are buzzing around my home, it’s sometimes a difficult time for me. I almost want to retreat and hide until everyone is busy doing their own thing so that I can go back to my quiet place, either a walk, run or my office.
I know, I will miss the time with my kids when they are grown. Yes, I know this well, and I try to remember when the hectic pace of the mornings comes about that before I know it, I will miss these years, which has taught me to live in each moment. I find myself thinking about how much I love each part of my life, my alone time, my kid time, my work time, my exercise time, etc which has made me realize that all of my time is wonderful and to LIVE IT — not squander it, not resent or rush it. Enjoy it. The phrase, “I can’t wait” has been replaced by “I look forward to” because I can wait. I want to live each moment until the next interaction or event that I look forward to.
Are you living in the moment? Are you enjoying YOUR time or are you constantly thinking about the past, the future, the what ifs? Are you always feeling rushed, that you don’t have your own time? If you are, find the inner strength not to or to create YOUR time. It has taken me 44 years to find this place of contentment. This is a place where even when things aren’t what I would like them to be, or people aren’t behaving or treating me the way that I would like, that I have to make myself remember that it’s on them and not on me as I am responsible for me and how I behave and respond to others.
Similar to the “put your oxygen mask on yourself before helping others” when on a plane, you must love yourself first before you can truly love someone else or for someone to be able to love you fully. This isn’t selfish, THIS is one life lesson that I am trying my darnedest to teach & share with my children that their life is theirs, that they need to make choices that are the best for them while being considerate of others and giving your best to the world EACH moment of EACH day as you don’t get those moments back to live them again. Learn as much as you can each day, give as much as you can every day and live each day to it’s fullest as you can’t have yesterday back.